till human voices wake us (and we drown)
by ToQuinnWithLove
Summary: "why can't you just be happy with what we have?" "because i want you too much." "you want everything too much." in a town like lima, ohio, rachel and quinn do their best to hide to stay safe. but safety isn't always an option, and when it's been ripped from their hands, they must take desperate measures. fluff in the beginning, then major angst. Rating somewhere between T-M.


_"we have lingered in the chambers of the sea, by sea-girls wreathed in seaweed red and brown, till human voices wake us and we drown." -T.S Eliot_

1.

they take the day off school; it's may, their exams are just about over and quinn convinces rachel to run away with her. she uses those words exactly, because she knows rachel and she knows she's a sucker for romantic gestures. they don't tell anyone they're going, they can't, so they just hop in quinn's car and travel about two hours south on interstate 75, getting the hell out of allen county and following the ottawa river. rachel hums to herself as quinn fiddles with radio. it's hot, scorching, and neither girl can wait until they reach their destination. quinn notices rachel's breathing becoming heavier as she wipes the sweat from her forehead.

"almost there, babe."

fifteen minutes later quinn pulls off the road and turns down a dirt path lined with pine trees and thick bushes. she parks the car and turns to rachel, handing her a bottle of water and kissing her cheek.

"come on, the water is waiting."

the lake is lovely and picturesque and quinn thinks of yeats's the _the lake isle of innisfree. _she walks down to the shoreline and removes her socks. she feels free.

"turn around," quinn hears, and she spins clockwise, smiling to herself as her eyes find rachel, holding up quinn's vintage polaroid sx-70. "give me that old hollywood smile, baby," rachel teases, and quinn acquiesces. rachel's the one who is forever at home in front of a camera, but quinn smiles and tips her head back for the camera. she's never felt more at ease.

they lie down on the blanket quinn pulls from her trunk, and rachel molds her body into quinn's. rachel hums an old ella fitzgerald hit, and quinn keeps her eyes on the clouds.

"do you ever think it'll be like this normally?" rachel whisperers after a long while.

"we live in lima, ohio."

"i know."

"maybe one day."

"i'm going to leave, you know," rachel breathes. "i'm going to get the hell out of this place and go to new york. and i want you to come with me." quinn just sighs and sits up.

"swim with me," she prompts, and her change in demeanor is all rachel needs to know that the conversation is over. she sighs and stands up too, her breath hitching as quinn leans over and captures her mouth.

"we're free right now and i love you. let's be here, now. ok?"

"ok."

2.

"three more hours."

"rachel, stop."

"i can't."

quinn takes a deep breath and releases it out her nose. it's december of their junior year of high school and quinn's parents are gone for the weekend. there are three more hours until their scheduled return.

"why can't you ever just be happy with what we have?" quinn doesn't raise her voice, but her tone is icy.

"because i want you too much."

"you want everything too much."

"i know."

quinn sighs again and pulls her down comforter up over their heads, enclosing the two of them in a warm haven. she can't see the outside world and she feels safer for it. it's just her and rachel. she wishes desperately that it could always be her and Rachel.

"what are you doing?"

"making a fort."

"we're seventeen."

"shhh," quinn hisses, not unkindly, and she reaches her arm out to grab the glass bottle on her nightstand. she pulls up the flashlight app on her phone and places the phone on the bed. she positions the bottle over the light and watches rachel's face light up at the lantern-like effect.

"it's beautiful."

"it is." quinn smiles, her eyes on rachel.

"it makes me want to stay here forever. with you."

quinn's smile falters and she shifts so that she's lying down on her side.

"we could run away. i don't care anymore, rach…my family isn't a family and i wouldn't miss them any more than they'd miss me."

"we have more than our families to think about," rachel's bangs fall into her face as her gaze turns downward. "we have our educations to consider. the glee club. you have friends here."

"you have friends here, too."

rachel gives a derisive snort and shakes her head.

"don't kid yourself."

quinn doesn't say anything, just swallows and closes her eyes.

"i hate the world."

"you know very little of the world."

"i know enough to be sure I don't belong."

"lima isn't the world, quinn. it'll be better someday. i promise."

"yeah."

"two and a half more hours. though i should probably leave an hour early in case your parents' drive home takes shorter than they planned."

"just shut up, ok? can you do that?"

rachel looks affronted for a moment, but she nods all the same.

"kiss me until i have to leave. let's just enjoy what we have before it's gone."

3.

"i'm so fucking proud of you," quinn says in between heated kisses. it's their senior year and they're in saint lois for a show choir invitational; the rest of the team goes out for ice cream after the performance, and quinn gets out of it by claiming to have a killer headache. rachel puts up a convincing enough argument that, as a vegan, she doesn't even want to step foot into an ice cream shop. the two girls had planned the whole thing out weeks before. it was one of the rare opportunities they got to be alone without anyone becoming any the wiser about their relationship.

more

"i knew we had it in the bag the second the lead singer from westbrook fell flat on their second number," rachel squeals as she feels herself being lifted off the ground and flung onto the hotel bed.

"i knew we had it in the bag the second you stepped on stage," quinn beams, reaching into her bag and pulling out a bottle of champagne.

"where'd you get that!?"

"my mom's an alcoholic."

rachel's breath catches in her throat at quinn's deadpan confession. it's noting she doesn't already know, but it's never been something they talked about with ease.

"well then," rachel giggles as she holds up the bottle a minute later in a mock toast. "to mrs. fabray."

quinn looks like she's about to argue, but her furrowed brow morphs into a sly smile and she leans down to kiss rachel.

"yes, to you."

"are you implying that i'm going to be mrs. fabray one day? because we've gone over this, quinn—i'm keeping my name."

"just go with it, rachel," quinn groans, taking the champagne bottle back from her girlfriend and taking a long swig, and then another one for good measure. she feels free and trapped at the same time. they're running low on time before their teammates are scheduled to return.

they sit in silence for several minutes, each passing the bottle back and forth between them until it's all gone. quinn thinks that one bottle isn't nearly enough to numb the pain of having rachel only in these fleeting moments between well-practiced facades. she glances to her left to where rachel is sitting on the bed, her eyes hazy and glassed over.

"you drank too much."

"probably. are you drunk?"

"no."

"i think i am."

"you are."

"it doesn't make me any less sad. isn't is supposed to make me less sad?"

"that's what they say," quinn sighs. "get used to it. it stopped making me sad a long time ago."

"i wish you weren't sad."

"i wish the world were a kinder place."

rachel only nods, sinking deeper into the bed and pulling quinn down.

"hold me." rachel whispers before falling asleep. and quinn does, though she makes sure to pry herself away from rachel when she hears her teammates loud voices down the hall. she makes sure to grab her book and flick on the television before sitting on the chair next to the bed so that when the rest of the new directions come stumbling in, they have nothing to question.

4.

quinn spends all of thursday in bed. she ignores the constant dinging of her phone, and only after she downs almost half a bottle of sleeping pills does she think to just shut the damn thing off.

…

rachel tells her dads she's sick. she takes an extra long time in the bathroom and comes out holding her stomach for effect. she's not sick, just destroyed. she gets to stay home from school.

rachel lets out a frustrated growl as her fifteenth message to quinn goes unanswered, yet again. she's angry, but she understands. still, it's supposed to be them against the world, isn't it? the world broke them, she thinks. right now, rachel hates the world just as much as quinn always did.

…

quinn wakes up twenty hours later. there's a piece of toast and cold tea on her nightstand, and a note from her mother reading: 'went out with a friend. i'm calling your therapist when i get home. you're getting bad again.' quinn groans. her mother knows nothing, she thinks, nothing about fucking anything.

...

"dad, daddy, can i talk to you?"

rachel sits down on the couch next to Leroy, waiting for Hiram to turn off the television before facing his daughter. when they both promise that everything will be ok, and rachel should feel safe confiding anything in them, rachel nods.

"i wasn't sick today."

her dads only nod again, urging her to keep talking.

"i didn't go to school because yesterday a few kids on the hockey team found out about something. something that i've been hiding for a very long time, and they threatened my life, as well as the life of the other person involved."

leroy and hiram gasp and move to sit closer to their daughter.

"what's going on, rachel?" hiram asks, his hand moving to his husband's back.

rachel blinks back tears as she bites her lip and looks down at the floor.

"do you remember quinn fabray?"

"the girl who used to bully you? the girl in glee club?" they ask.

"yes. dad, daddy…i'm in love with her. and she's in love with me. we've been together for two years now."

her dads are shocked. they ask her why she's never told them, and she honestly doesn't have an answer. she always just figured that if less people knew, there would be less chance of being exposed to the world. rachel guesses it never really mattered either way, the world had found out anyway. her dads tell her that they'll be making calls to the principal, to the school board, and that she's not to go back to school until this whole thing is sorted. they tell her that they'll have someone come to the house and help her make up all of her work. rachel just nods and tries not to cry. all she can think about is quinn.

…

quinn takes a bite of the toast on her nightstand and chews methodically, slowly, as if she is numb to the taste and the sensations of eating. she is. she's numb to everything.

_they know_, is all she keeps repeating in her head, over and over. she's driving herself mad and she reaches for the bottle of bourbon under her bed that she's stolen from her father's cabinet.

…

rachel dials quinn's number for the nineteenth time that day. she isn't surprised when she heard quinn's answering machine.

5.

"you're a fag," quinn's eyes open blearily. she's still under the effects of the pills she's taken in the last twenty four hours, but she's lucid enough to pick her head up off the pillow and lean toward her father's voice. "that's what they're saying. that you're a fag, and that you were seen fucking that dyke berry girl."

quinn doesn't move, just rolls over in bed and tries not to vomit.

"i want you out of this house. you have five hours."

quinn closes her eyes and doesn't move until she can hear her father's footsteps traveling back down the hall and into his study. when she hears the door slam shut, she jumps out of bed and rushes to the bathroom, dropping to her knees in front of the toilet and emptying the contents of her stomach.

four hours later she's heading down the highway.

…

"where the fuck are you?" rachel's voice through the phone is angry, quinn registers before taking another long swig of whatever mix of alcohols she's dumped into her cup.

"hotel," she mumbles.

"so you just left me?"

"russell kicked me out, rachel."

"how are you paying for the hotel?"

"his credit card. until he remembers to cut me off."

"give me the address," rachel growls.

"no."

rachel hangs up.

she calls back ten minutes later.

"if you don't tell me where you are right now, quinn fabray, i swear to god i'll file a missing persons report and the police will find your drunken ass quicker than i will."

"do you remember that lake we went to when we were sixteen?"

"yes…"

"head in that direction. get off on exit nine east about forty miles south of the lake. seventy-nine baker street. it's a comfort inn."

"what's your room number?"

quinn picks up the plastic key they'd given her at the front desk and looks for a number.

"three thirty six."

"give me three hours and i'll be there. don't move. don't drink any more, and don't do anything stupid."

quinn nods, then remembers rachel can't see her, and gives her verbal promise that she'll follow the girl's instructions.

6.

quinn hears a desperate knock on the hotel door and she trudges across the room, sliding the lock over and stepping back. the door is flung open and rachel almost falls into the room. she is wearing a white dress, and quinn lets out a crisp 'oh my god' as she sees blood smattered across the fabric.

rachel looks up and quinn's heart plummets into her stomach. rachel's face is bruised and cut up, she has a black eye and several small cuts littering her cheek and lip. her left arm is hanging limply at her side and quinn feels tears burn in her eyes as she sees the words '_dyke scum_' cut into rachel's upper arm.

quinn can't breathe. she can't breathe and she can't think and she can't move.

rachel blinks a few times and winces as her tears leak out of her swollen eyes and burn the cuts on her cheek.

"they broke me," she whispers, and quinn is horrified to see blood in rachel's mouth as she speaks.

"who did this? oh god, rachel, we need to get you to a hospital," quinn cries, rushing to rachel's side and holding the love of her life's fragile frame in her arms.

"i don't need a hospital. i'm fine," rachel wheezes out, and quinn's eyes widen as she watches rachel cough and a trickle of blood escape her mouth.

"who the fuck did this to you?"

"i don't know," rachel's breath is labored, and she coughs again. "i didn't know them. i stopped at an atm machine in lima on the way here and a group of guys pulled me into the alleyway. it doesn't matter."

"i'll kill them. why were you at an atm machine?"

"because we're running away. i took out every penny i owned. my entire savings from the time i was eight. we're leaving this place and we're going somewhere where no one can find us. somewhere safe."

"we're _going_ to a hospital," quinn corrects her, and rachel shakes her head.

"it's not worth the trouble. we need to stay under the radar until we're far away from here. and i'm fine. just…just let me change and clean up and we'll leave."

quinn wants to argue. she wants to tell rachel that she's being stupid, irrational, reckless even. but she knows that it would only be worse for them if they stayed. she thinks back to all the times she asked rachel to run away with her. she thinks of freedom. she thinks of baby birds being pushed out of their nests by their mothers.

"let me help you." she's sober enough now, and she's running back to her backpack, grabbing an old cheer camp sweatshirt and leggings for Rachel before rushing back to her side and helping her walk into the bathroom.

"sit."

rachel sits on the edge of the tub while quinn runs the hot water and gently pulls off rachel's dress and undergarments. rachel winces and quinn kisses her temple.

"you're ok. i've got you."

she tests the temperature of the water with her finger and then helps rachel swing her legs over and dip herself into the tub. she cries out as the water stings the cuts on her arm. quinn notices more bruising along rachel's ribcage and back, and she swears that if she ever finds out who did this, she'll kill them with her bare hands.

once rachel is cleaned up, quinn pulls her out of the tub and sits her down on the toilet. there is a trail of watery blood from the tub to the toilet. quinn grabs one of the hotel towels and presses it firmly to the etched words on rachel's upper arm.

"i need you to hold this here, ok? tightly, keep the pressure. can you do that, rachel?"

rachel nods. quinn reaches for another towel and dabs at rachel's face, where luckily the cuts there had stopped bleeding. she towels the smaller girl dry, pulls her hair back into a low ponytail, and begins to dress rachel in her sweatshirt and leggings. she wraps the towel in a knot around rachel's arm before she slips on her sweatshirt. rachel doesn't speak the entire time quinn works.

"are you ready to go?" quinn asks once she's packed up her bag and checked to make sure she has her wallet, phone, and car keys.

rachel nods and holds her arms tightly around her midsection. quinn has never seen her more destroyed. she think of baby birds again, but this time she remembers all the times she's seen them crumpled on the sidewalk. they hadn't survived the push from their nest.

"let's take my car," rachel says. her voice is weak and she seems to be shivering slightly. "it's less recognizable."

quinn nods in agreement and hoists her backpack over her shoulders. she takes rachel's arm and winds it around her waist.

"lean on me. you're going to be ok."

ten minutes later, when they had made it past the stares of the people in the lobby, and were buckled in to rachel's car, rachel spoke again.

"are we?"

"are we what?" quinn asks, turning onto the highway and picking up speed as she watched the small town behind her grow fainter in the distance.

"are we really going to be ok?"

"yes." quinn answers. and despite the hopelessness of the situation, she realizes that it's the first time she's answered that question without a doubt in her mind. "we're going to be fine."

disclaimer: I know nothing about Ohio geography so please forgive me any mistakes, inconsistencies, or inaccuracies. And thanks for reading.


End file.
